if you force a hooker to have sex with you and dont pay her would it be rape or theft? something to ponder
Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
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