also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
meet me or not, i'm out of control
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize
