normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
Randomize
