i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!"
me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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