I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
just watched an entire episode so you think you can dance for head. so wasn't worth it
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
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