Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
Randomize
