Kroger has a sale on economy packs of some ridic brand of condom with a smiley devil heart on it $4.99 for 24
Sounds like a baby waitign to happen
I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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