I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
