So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
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