eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
Randomize
