The maid of honor just puked.
Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
Randomize
