I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
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