ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
2020 sucks, I want a refund
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
