I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
Randomize
