Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
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