you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
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