Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
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