His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
Randomize
