Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
Randomize
