i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
Another day, another engagement, another cat
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
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