My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
Randomize
