I think I died a long time ago.
Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
His hands were made for my vagina.
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
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