I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
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