sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
As gay men are we obligated to learn the Single Ladies dance.
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
Randomize
