Being 21 is my favorite hobby I'm really good at it
I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
Randomize
