did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
you didnt know i had herpes?
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
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