miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
Randomize
