So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize
