im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
Randomize
