I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
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