wakey wakey hands off snakey
I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
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