that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
Randomize
