Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
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