There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
Dear god my vagina.
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
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