so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
Girls should come with a carfax report
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
Randomize
