Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
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