Weren't you self-described as an 'arab' slut?
No?
Well my cheeks are red now
I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
Randomize
