Your dad touched me again.
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
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