her vagine was all disorganized.
He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Randomize
