How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
Randomize
