Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
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