he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
