i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
I don't think he has that. His apartment was pretty much a tv and a bed. Topless girl calendar and a glass of water to put out cigarettes.
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
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