Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
Randomize
