the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
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