Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
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