happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize
