I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
Randomize
