Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
Randomize
