How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
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