I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
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