i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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